The past few days, something has been weighing heavily on my heart. I can't pin-point it yet. But I do know that it's related to God about to move in my life.
I started a study last week over at Good Morning Girls and we are reading Anything by Jennie Allen during this bible/book study. Her book is based on a prayer that her and her husband prayed a few years ago. God we will do anything. Anything."
Jennie says "I believe that like every generation before us, we have an opportunity to see God move in our midst… to surrender in such a way that we would turn the head and heart of God. He waits for surrendered lives, and he finds them, he floods them. I want to be a part of that."
My husband and I have been on quite the journey the past few years. Things have happened - a lot of not so good things. (There have been plenty of good things in between too.) During every trial, I have found myself leaning more heavily on God. And I'm learning every day to surrender to Him more and more.
I come from a long line of strong women. Head strong and determined women. Naturally, I am a person who finds a way to get things done all on my own. And for years, all of my problems have been "do-able" in my own might. Sure, I would talk to God if something was weighing me down. I would ask for direction and guidance. And I thought at the time I was doing okay. But recent years have turned my ways of thinking completely around and upside down. I have faced things (and some are still looming) that I cannot fix or control. And for the life of me, I cannot on my own accord come up with an answer or a solution.
I feel like God has been using these trials to discipline me and open my eyes to my own failures and shortcomings. I can't do it alone. I need Him. And I can now see that without Him, I would have never been able to endure some of these trials. Some of the trials had a very real possibility of ripping apart every bit of my life and my family. During one point, I remember literally yelling at God "Why me? What have I done to deserve this? I can't do this! I can't handle this pain!" And oh boy, did He quickly let me know that I would endure it and I would survive. And then He started working in my heart pointing out what I needed to work on in my own life. Ouch!
And now I feel something. Something looming. God is about to move. I wait with anticipation on His timing wondering what it will be. And I pray that my heart will be open and receptive so I don't miss it.