Conclusion of Chapter 15 - Does He Deserve Your Respect?Re

We have talked about the importance of showing our husbands respect.  We have seen that this is part of God's plan for marriage.  But does your husband deserve respect?

"Showing reverence isn't always the easiest thing.  We're talking about human beings here, who at times may disappoint and infuriate us.  This is where we look past our duty toward man to see the perfection of Christ who gave up His life on the cross--unfailing love abounding in grace."

Love and grace.  So freely given to us by Christ.  How often do we freely give it?  How often do we extend grace to our husbands?

So your husband has faults?  Does he have issues?  Has he made poor decisions?  Has he messed up your finances?  Has he had a physical or an emotional affair?  He may have done one or more of these things.  He's human and he is going to let you down at times.  Don't you think we make mistakes too?  If we want him to show us love and grace (even when we may not deserve it), then we should do the same for him.

Remember the verse in Ephesians we just touched on?  "However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband." (Ephesians 5:33)  God already gave us a perfect plan for marriage and knew what each spouse would need.  Women, we need to feel loved.  And our men need to feel respected.  And when we respect our husbands, it truly does build them up.  They want to do more to earn our respect and they want to show us love more often.

Tonight I totally messed up and totally deflated my husband's bubble.  He asked my opinion on something he had written.  And I blew it.  I was way too judgemental.  I could have gone about it in a much better way.  Seeing that deflated look on his face made me realize the impact I have on his attitude, demeanor and outlook.  We have such a powerful impact, I think we could make or break our husbands.

So let's be sure to build our men up.  It will be a win-win situation to be sure.  They will get the affirmation and respect they need, we will reap the benefits because they will want to do more to earn that respect.  I know I do much better with this when I worry about my own shortcomings and walk with God.  Looking inward sure does put things in perspective.  When I focus more on changing me, I have less time to be critical of him.

I found this quote online and I think it speaks volumes on showing respect even when we don't feel like he deserves it.  "If all you can see is rust and dents on your man’s armor, then you become the one to make that armor shiny again!  Polish your man up by your encouraging words and actions.  When you do this, your heart towards him will start to grow softer and the respect you once had for him will start to develop again." ~ Jolene Engle - http://joleneengle.com/when-youve-lost-respect-for-your-husband-a-marital-oneness-monday-link-up/

So this weekend I encourage you to be intentional in showing respect.  Make a list of things your husband does that means a lot to you.  And tell him!  And be sure to give him your love, mercy and grace.

Chapter 15 Cont'd - RESPECT

Continuing on Chapter 15 on respect, let's look at the last three ways we can show our husbands respect.

4.  Show consideration.

"Your actions toward your husband are a living gauge to growing souls. They watch how we comply, and live accordingly."  We need to be very careful how we treat our husbands in front of our children.  They are watching every move we make and what we do will influence their outlook on how a marriage should be.  Something I have had to work on during my marriage is to never over-rule my husband's decisions on how to discipline the kids.  Early on I did with our son, and it caused a major rift between us.  Even if we don't agree with a punishment, we should never make it known in front of our kids.  A private discussion in a non-condescending and loving way yields much better results.

5.  Think highly of him.

I love this quote from Darlene.  "Flowers, dates, kissing in the back-seat of a car, and wearing designer jeans, does not a Prince Charming make. But being there through the birth of your child, working hard to take home a paycheck, bringing his family to church, and taking care of you when you’re hurling over the throne, are noble features to be desired in a man. If he has done any or all of those things, he’s worth a second thought.  Start to view your husband with high regard, and you’ll find much to be thankful for."  This quote really spoke to me on my first read through this book.  When I really thought about it, these are the things that are truly noble characters in a husband.  The typical dating stuff is nice, but to find a man that is there through the tough stuff - that's even better.

Another thing to think about is how you speak of your husband out in public and in front of your kids.  We need to keep a tight rein on our tongues and not criticize our husbands to others, especially our kids.  And oh, am I so guilty of this.  Sometimes, I just start venting and the words are out there before I even think.  Instead of criticism, we must learn to replace the negativity with positive words and build up our husbands to our kids, friends, family and co-workers.

Thessalonians 5:11 NIV

Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.

4.  Reverence is our contribution.

Our husbands must know that we hold them in high esteem.  They need to know we admire them.  "While husbands are required to love their wives as their own selves, reverence is our contribution to laying the foundation of a Godly marriage.  When a man looks at his wife, he’s looking for a reflection of himself in her eyes. A reflection that says, 'I’m worth holding onto,' and 'I mean something to her in this world.'"  How we respect our husbands will be a direct reflection of how we feel about him.  The more respect we give, the more he will want to be worthy of that respect.  

Ephesians 5:32-33 KJV

This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church. Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

I found this quote online from an unknown source - “If you want a truly fine husband, respect him at the level at which you want him to reach. A man will usually not rise above the level at which his wife respects him.”  Wow.  It's amazing to think we have that much power over our husbands.  When a man looks into the eyes of an adoring wife, he can see his God-given potential.  I want my husband to see that in my eyes.

Chapter 15 - Respect

Respect is acknowledgement.  "People want to be acknowledged for who they are, their accomplishments, and the ideas they hold--men, even more-so than women."  I see this with my husband.  He thrives when I make a conscious effort to acknowledge his accomplishments and praise him for a job well done.  And yes, I have to make a conscious effort because one of his primary love languages is words of affirmation and mine is not.

I found the statistic from loveandrespect.com Darlene shared very interesting.  When asked how they felt when there was conflict in their marriage "83% of the men said 'disrespected.'  72% of the women said, 'unloved.'"  While we need to feel loved, our men want and need our respect.

Darlene shares six different ways to show our husbands respect.  I want to touch on the first three today.

1.  Let him take the lead.

This does not mean that we don't have a voice.  We can share our opinions and desires, but in the end, we need to let our husbands have the final say.  As long as his decisions are God-honoring.  And we need to do this without complaining, grumbling, or questioning his judgement.  I know I have to bite my tongue sometimes and also ask God to help me see the positive and the good over the shortcomings.  I need to worry more about my heart.  Which leads to the next point.

2.  Have a good opinion of him.

"They know when we truly value them, and when we’re putting it on. If we’re accustomed to judging every move they make, it’s time to bridle our tongue, and grab hold of the reins on our thoughts. Focus on the good, let go of the petty judgment."  How true.  My husband can sense when I question things without me actually speaking the words.  I need to squelch those thoughts quickly and divert my attention to what I love about him.

3.  Notice him.

"As women, there are times when we like to be noticed for the way that we look, while men usually prefer to be noticed for the things that they do."  Men are wired from birth to be providers.  They have a strong desire to provide and take care of their family.  And they need some kind words and a pat on the back to let them know we appreciate what they are doing.  We need to take notice of the things they do and acknowledge and thank them.

Ephesians 5:33 ESV

However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.

If you did not read it already, here is a link that Darlene shared with us last night on a great blog post about respect.  It's definitely worth a few minutes of your time.

http://time-warp-wife.blogspot.ca/2012/11/4-ways-to-respect-man-you-love.html