Handling Conflict in Marriage - Continued

Continuing on in Chapter 12 on handling conflict in marriage, let's look at faults and communication.

3.  Look past his faults and focus on love.

Oh, this one can be hard to do.  This has to be very intentional.  But guess what?  If God still sees us as His beautiful, beloved creation even with our faults and mistakes, we should definitely try to do the same for our husbands.  For everyone for that matter.  And hopefully if I don't dwell on his faults, he won't dwell on mine either.  If we are truly loving our husbands how God wants us to love, how will that look?

1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.

Darlene writes "If love was supposed to be easy, it wouldn't need to be described as 'patient.'"  Isn't that the truth?  Love is more than that first infatuation you feel at the beginning.  Over time, if we exercise these characteristics of love, our love for our husband will grow and deepen.  And those faults will seem trivial.  I've heard military wives often say things like they would rather see the shaving cream and stubble in the sink than to be living without their husbands.  So remember this the next time an annoying habit or fault starts wearing on your nerves.

4.  Be understanding of his faults.

 We want our husbands to love everything about us, don't we?  We want him to be understanding when we get irritable that one week out of the month.  We want him to love us the way we are - emotional at times, grumpy at times, tired at times, exasperated by the kids, at our wit's end.  As women, our emotions can be all over the board in less than five minutes!  Well, shouldn't we be doing the same for him?  

Darlene tells us to consider this - "Jesus didn't die for us because we were charming did He?"  We are all so unworthy on our own of God's love, mercy and grace.  Jesus changed all of that for us.  All of us are far from being perfect, yet Jesus understands our day to day ups and downs.  If He is understanding of our faults, then we in turn should be understanding.  Let's focus on working on our faults before we go worrying about someone else's.  Jesus said “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.”

5.  Keep the lines of communication open.

This is a biggie.  How many times could a fight been avoided if we had just openly communicated before we got to that point?  We have to be open and honest in our relationships, but we have to do this in a loving manner.  If it's a touchy situation, I find that if I pray for the right words and for patience, this really does help me to stay calm and lovingly discuss an issue with my husband.  Do I always do that?  No!  But I need to be.  And being a nagging wife to force our husbands to do what we want usually backfires in our face.  It may not happen right away, but down the road, we will most definitely pay for it.  Our husbands may "build up walls of protection around them" if we become a nagging wife.  "If you want your husband to trust you with his heart as he once did, it's important to practice self-control, hold your tongue, and replace criticism with kindness.  Listen when he talks and make an effort to show him respect."  Amen!

Proverbs 21:19

Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.

Proverbs 27:15-16

A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm; restraining her is like restraining the wind or grasping oil with the hand.